I’m posting from my iTouch now.
Sitting besides my flat’s door.
On the wrong side.
Without a key.
See, I was heading out to clean the building’s staircase, as it was my turn today. And then I decided, that I wanted some music. So I headed back inside my flat. Got my iTouch. And left my damn keys inside! *argh*
So, now I’m waiting for the building’s manager with his magical, wonderful, spare key.
All the while my wireless network is taunting me. I can check my mail, listen to my music, read and post to blogs… But I can’t get inside!
The future is wonderful.
But the stairs are still cold.
Posted: April 23rd, 2010
at 12:01pm by Matt
Categories: Ranting
Comments: 1 comment
This: 
is a smile.
This: 
is a wink.
Please, don’t use the latter to mean the former.
Those are two entirely different meanings/emotions/associations.
If I tell you something I’m proud of having achieved, and you reply with “That’s great! ” – I’m confused.
It takes a few moments for me to remember that you only ever use “;)” and you always have it mean “:)”. … Whoever taught you that behaviour needs to die!
…
This really drives me nuts. I’m meeting more and more people who do this, and while I can ignore most people who do so, some of my most dear girlfriends also do this, and it… It makes me irritated.
Every time I see “;)” mean “:)” my thoughts go all wobbly for a moment or two.
*argh*
Stupid small things that irritate me. I should be above this. 
I’m unemployed right now. With a brighter outlook than I would have imagined possible, but still. And so I’m on governmental social support. Which is nice for me, as it means that I don’t succumb to debt and hunger. Yay.
But. And that’s a big fucking but right there (Stay away Mix-a-lot, wrong but!).
But it makes me think.
Why do I get more aid and more support than I did when I was a full-time student? I’m doing nothing but looking for jobs right now, and I’m getting money for this. Money I don’t have to pay back. Money that even adds a tiny amount to my later retirement funds. And my health-insurance is being paid for me.
But when I was a student, I did get shit. Because my parents were earning over the limit needed to grant me financial support. Even though my dad was unemployed back then, but for some fuck-ass reason they looked at the financial reports from two years before then, when both of my parents were comfortably employed.
But (Yes, I know. Sorry.) even if I would’ve gotten the money, I would have had to pay it back to some degree. And still have to pay for health insurance by myself. A reduced rate, yes, but still from my money.
And no matter how I look at this, this makes no damn sense. It’s good for me NOW, but I think that it’s highly negative for our society. University students should get more and better support to be fully able to concentrate on studying and becoming a fruitful member of society later in life.
I know that many already manage that. But I also know that there quite a few from non-wealthy families who are looking forward with dread to pay back their student “support”.
And that’s ass-backwards. They are doing a fine thing. They are getting an advanced education and if successful, they will be a great boon to this countries academia, economy and research. They will support new ideas, new views and new tax-incomes.
And they get treated worse than people who are unemployed. Worse than people without ambition and/or skills and/or the want to get back on track. (For the record: Not all, not even most, perhaps not even MANY unemployed people are like this. But they still ARE out there.)
And that really makes me angry.
And I don’t even want to start talking about how people who’d genuinely NEED financial support by the state but are not getting it because of some damn rule that doesn’t make sense being applied to them fucks them in their ears with a pointy stick, while people who go around and troll for failed applications are getting more and more of it. Fuck it. Fuck them.
We need a fairer system. A system that really supports those in need of support and is harsh to those who fuck with the system.
But that would need humongous amounts of money to research, plan and implement. Which Germany doesn’t have. So we will remain in this fucked state of bureaucratic fuck-ups.
Fuck.
Out.
I am an old geezer now. Slightly curmudgeonly. Only very slightly bitter. But why, you ask? Because I just came home from a night out. Most of the details are not important to the story. What IS important, is the fact that I went to a kind of club I’ve been going to since about… Yeeeesh …1998. A goth club.
And I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t… … Yes, I’ll stop. Sorry. It’s just too good a quote!
Anyway: I’m 26 now. 27 in three weeks. And I now have witnessed things that simply made me sad, even though I had an extremely great night.
First of, what really bothered me, was that you could nearly SMELL the personal uncertainty and peer-pressured ways of some, if not most, of the younger visitors. Male and female alike were looking for acceptance and validation. Some clearly not enjoying themselves, but still wanting to belong. To be there. And that’s just sad.
Back in the days when I was their age, I didn’t give a damn. I didn’t give a damn that my friends smoked. I didn’t give a damn that my friends drank alcohol. I didn’t give a damn that my friends had sex and relationships. I didn’t give a damn that my friends did drugs. I waited my time and did all those things at my pace, in my comfort zone. And never did get any crap for that, because I looked the bullies in their small, ratty eyes and asked them to leave. So I never was insecure. I never was peer-pressured. And because I was kind-of a bastard back then, I didn’t really see it in others. Nowadays I’m much more empathic. I sense things and read people. And I could read those teens and early-twenties. And their anxiety made me… Sad.
Dancing should be about having fun, about letting go, about having a great time and enjoying one-self! There should be no looking over your shoulders to see if your so-called “friends” approve the songs you dance to! Fuck those bastards! Just dance. Or don’t. To the music YOU like. The damn WAY you like.
In my favourite club, in which I’m a regular patron, that’s always the case. No one gives you crap about such stuff. If you dance alone to one song, because no one else likes it that much, or finds it tacky, or what the fuck ever… They either won’t care about you dancing to it, or will approve that you’re having fun. But then, in that club my 27 years are well below average, so that might play into that.
This brings me to my next observation, though: The music.
Goth’s gone to hell, for fuck’s sake. At least the popular side of it. Errr… I mean the “face it shows outside”. … Aw, fuck, you know what I mean. The stuff that would be played on the radio if Goth was Pop. The mass-produced shit.
It’s harsh electronics. And I don’t even have anything against harsh electronics. But it’s BAD harsh electronics! I’ve heard better and much more complex stuff in raves during the late 90s! MUCH better. Because today, there were at least four songs, by four different “artists” (I’m using that term very, very loosely here, take note, class!) that sounded like… One damn track, at slightly different pitches. Very, very slightly different pitches. The greatest differences were the samples they spliced through their “songs”.
It’s just… It’s… It’s boring! It’s badly made! And it’s neither really hard nor really fun. Most songs play with some obscene “lyrics” to shock, but that’s it. I swear, you could play some Rotterdam Terror Corps, pitch them down a few BPM and no one would notice. It’s just sad. Not the same kind of sad the peer-preasure thing made me feel, but a unique and saddening kind of sad nevertheless.
BUT! The night had some great moments, too. Mainly when the DJ wizened up to my assaults and threw in some old-school EBM. Even if it was mostly newer stuff. But Spetsnaz’s “Apathy” and Nitzer Ebb’s “Murderous” were in there, and those songs can make ANY night a good night.
Especially when you actually scare some young ones from the dancefloor. As it was made very apparent, I was not the only one longing for some old-school, feet-pounding and arm-throwing goodness. So we old bastards flooded the dance-floor and stomped. And got aggressive. And walked towards each other, beat by beat by beat, snarling and grinning in a wild stomp. And the “kiddies” (basically anyone under 24/25) were scared shitless. All they knew was that weak-ass “stand around and flail about” style of dancing to electronic music, so they weren’t truly prepared for our semi-mechanized assault. It was glorious. Fun.
Then there was the eye-candy. Yes. Really. Sorry. I know. I’m a bad person. But, hell, I don’t care right now. And my eye-candy is pretty specialized eye-candy. There were quite a few girls in uniform there. Proper uniforms. The expensive and well-crafted kind. With spot-on insignia and markings. And they were flirty. And liked my taste in music. And that made me feel utterly, utterly good! I’m not looking too hot right now, could stand to lose about 10kg and gain some muscle-tone. And I know that. And am working on that. But the last few months were kind of shitty to me. … And I’m digressing. Sorry. Point being!: A few very attractive ladies in uniform with great musical taste flirted with me. And it made me feel good. And that’s… Well… Good!
Also, one special mention: Alice. Like, the Lewis Carol one. There was one girl, one young woman, there who really went all out. She was pretty tall. 1.8m easily. And she was thin. Not scarecrow-thin, but more athletic, firm thin. And she showed it. Boots, skirt, corset and frilly shirt under the corset. And a hat. A small, tiny, ridiculously cute hat. With a playing card tucked in it. The card slightly bigger than the hat. And the hat was perfectly balanced on her really well done hair. And she was dressed all in black and purple. And didn’t use visible, obvious make-up. I only saw her for a few songs, as she arrived shortly before I went home, but still… She made me smile. She looked great. Intelligently-funny and full with style.
…
That was my night. My thoughts. My reactions. My feelings.
It happened “just now”. This is a raw post.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Out.
I’m listening to Mind.In.A.Box’s “R.E.T.R.O” right now. And it’s a mind-blower. They went 8bit. Not fully chip-tune or bit-pop, but rather a nice blend of Futurepop and 8bit sounds. It’s like listening to club-worthy C64 game soundtracks. Also, not like Welle:Erdball, who simply use the (authentic) C64 sound-aesthetic to amplify their chosen sound.
No, Mind.In.A.Box went into the past, took the memorable melodies of the C64 gaming-era and mixed them with a wonderful blend of dark, electronic beat and melody.
And what came out of this is pure musical bliss.
It will not be for everybody, but if you grew up during the 80s, if you like 8bit sounds, synths and Futurepop, you will love it.
I’ll give you one sample, Supremacy. For me, this track manages to summon memories of playing the Turrican jet-fighter stage AND makes me want to go out dancing this night, to romance and seduce a beautiful woman, all clad in tasteful black.
It really is that good. If you have the money, get that record. It’s worth it.
Out.
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Yesterday night, I had the perfect pizza.
Breaded chicken-breast, Jalapeño peppers, green peppers, bacon and a cheese-filled crust.
I had to pace myself. It was tasty and filling without being fattening.
It was a great pizza.
The best I had in years.
05.03.2010
I’m unemployed. I’m out of university.
Looking for jobs and an apprenticeship as a bookseller or librarian.
And last week, I was in hospital because of a virtual/simulated heart-attack.
And life is still fun. If frantic. And utterly chaotic. And scary.
But I sleep better. I feel better. I’m actually looking forward towards my future. Hazy as it may be, now.
More nerdy stuff later today, after I visit my first flat-option.
Out.
Sorry, I’ll have to screw the pictures for the time being.
The last few weeks/days haven’t been that great and to top it all off, today a car hit the train I was riding in, not a metre away from my seat.
While not really bad, it was slightly annoying. Stupid driver.
What was really maddening though, was the fact that I then had to walk 20 minutes to the nearest train/bus-station with a connection to where I was heading.
Again: Stupid, dumb driver.
Wonderful.
“Patching” my Database killed my old blog.
So I get to start anew. Again. Without having a backup of the old stuff.
Note to myself: Database backups are goood.
This is just for me, to test if all is working.
Next up: Some pictures.
